childish adult

2006-03-05T08:07:00.000-08:00

i am an emotional person. my family and friends can attest to that. my tears fall as easily as rain drops. I prefer to cry than hurt someone else. Crying for me is an escape. An escape of hurting someone with what i might say. I am just a simple person with simple tastes. I enjoy the company of friends as well as being alone. But there are times that you want to be with someone. I can accept "NO" for an answer and will respect your decision as long as you wont change it because of someone else's decision. it's just like saying that you dont like to be with me. i would appreciate it if you'll say it straight to my face rather than figuring it out . i hate hypocrites and i hate being tested... whatever it is that i am feeling right now, i hope you'll understand... let's just take time to heal whatever it is that needs to be healed. as of now, i am hurt.

2005-11-18T21:40:00.001-08:00

i am a certified student again! aside from my usual lab experiment for my thesis, i enrolled in two subjects. Which means that i have to study and pass problem sets and assignments on the due date. whew!!!! i still don't know how challenging this semester would be, but i am hoping that i have the time and strength to pull this off.

home sweet home

2005-10-13T02:30:00.000-07:00

i'm leaving for tacloban later today. i need to talk with my director regarding my plans for next semester. i need his approval for my taking additional subjects aside from my thesis. i hope that he'll sign it without hesitation (with my adviser's recommendation ba naman)... i also need to ask himpf my chance to be extended next school year even for a semester only to finish my thesis (hopefully ;)) or maybe ask for transfer at pisay diliman. i definitely cannot finish my thesis this summer. too bad... tsk... tsk...

**********

i miss my family back home and i'll be seeing them soon. i miss my papa paks. he's the reason why i'm going home. my sister and i have decided to have his eye operated. my father has been diagnosed with glaucoma in 1999. we've been to bacolod (2001) to ask the opinion of some doctors. one said that my father's glaucoma is non-operable and the eye drops will somehow maintain the pressure on my father's eye. my paps has used his medication regularly until his doctor in dumaguete changed it to another formulation. he complained to me and not to his doctor... si papa gyud... gahi man gud ug ulo...

i've read about glaucoma and nothing was mentioned about operable and non-operable one. i hope and pray that the doctors in chong hua hospital (cebu) can help us.

i love my father so much... im willing to do anything and everything to keep his eyesight... i've been persistently praying for it and will continue to do so. im asking for your prayers for my father's eyesight and for a successful operation( i hope it will be operated).

all for you paks! i love you!

nothing in particular

2005-10-10T22:21:00.000-07:00

got this from tonicoo's blog. thanks tons :)

Your Brain's Pattern

You're a simple thinker, and this is actually a very good thing.You don't complicate matters when you don't have to.You look for the simplest explanation or solution, and you go with that.As a result, your mind is uncluttered and free of stress.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.
You tend to give more than take in relationships.
You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.
You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you.
You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Everything Pizza

Diverse and adaptableYou enjoy the full buffet of lifeIt's hard to you play favorites with friends... or flavorsThere's very little that you dislike!

What's" Your Pizza Personality?

down....

2005-09-27T17:38:00.000-07:00

im just so disappointed with my laboratory work, myself and with my adviser...
all the while i thought ill get a lot of useful information from my adviser but i was mistaken. honestly speaking, i had second thoughts of having her as an adviser but since i have said my yes to her (re: thesis) i cannot back out. though i've talked with her re my proposal that i'll focus on natural products since its where students of pisay are concentrating. but she told me that "baka ako mapolitika". since i don't want to create trouble in the institute moreso with people im working with, i opted to have her as my adviser. well she's nice and the rest, to be unveiled. :)

maybe its not my adviser but me. i'm tired of doing the same thing over and over again and still getting nothing... is my patience in danger here? my frustrations on my experiment is vent to other people. pardon me if it is so. but i have no one to turn to.

grrr.... is it about time for me to say out loud "I HATE THESIS!"

oh no i remembered osie yelling that one night and my answer was "wag muna osie' kasisimula ko lang!" huhuhu... i want to cry but no tears will cooperate... m just so tired. tired of doing it over and over again and getting no valuable information as to how i'll do it. wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

m just down and depressed....

patience is a virtue

2005-09-20T23:31:00.000-07:00

thesis has been my life so to speak. after receiving the article from a friend's friend, i am so excited to start synthesizing again for the nth time. honestly speaking, i'm always starting with my thesis, because im usually stucked at phase 3 of my synthesis. so with the new procedure in hand, i am so thrilled!

while i was preparing my tlc (thin layer chromatography) plate, i didnt realize that the clamp holding the flask containing my reaction mixture was loosened that it dived right into the oil bath... i wanted to cry, but my tears won't do me good... good thing though, i had not used up all the reactants. so i did the reaction again... after five hours of waiting, i had to do as instructed and got the desired product as mentioned in the literature. but it doesnt end there. i think i've suspended the product in too much acetone that when i filter it nothing was left on the filter paper...huhuhu... two in a row!!! ouch!!!!! just when im in a hurry to come up with my desired product so it could be analyzed in Ateneo for NMR (nuclear magnetic resonance).Rose, the research associate of my adviser, told me that its cheaper if samples are to be analyzed by bulk. wahhhhhhh!!!!! if by tomorrow i find out that my product was really gone then i'll have to start from scratch ... how can i meet up with the scheduled nmr on tuesday?

my patience has been tested with my thesis... i almost forgot that im a chemist. i have been with the academe for more than five years and have not really practiced my profession(as a chemist) since then. with all the hardships and trials im encountering every laboratory work, i realized that i am a scientist and every failed activity is not a waste at all, but a path that could guide me in achieving my goals.

*****************************************

Gail, thanks! :)

timeline tag

2005-09-06T10:13:00.000-07:00

after a long absence from my blog, i guess this is the best that i can do....

20 years ago….

I was 13 years old and first year in high school. Took the entrance exam while having fever and sore eyes. Results did not favor my side. My elementary classmates where in one section. This section was used as pilot section that focused on science and technology. While the section I was in(first section) was using the old curriculum. It was like nightmare for me. I had to prove to them that im as good as them. During the math quiz show, I happen to represent our section together with two other classmates. Five teams competed. The other four teams where from the pilot section. We placed 2nd with just a point away from the 1st place… not really a bad year though. I was in a new group and was also known as actively participating in almost all activities. kapal man gud ako fez…

15 years ago…

I was 18, 2nd yr in college and in a relationship. Had two major subjects in chemistry (one was handled by my sister), calculus and physics. oh gosh! I cannot approach my sister during those times. Could not even ask for a snack from her. I really distanced myself from her to avoid talks. Alams na…. Most of my time was spent with my boyfriend. I never missed classes, but my mind was not really on the lessons but was wandering off the windows… asus… my boyfriend was my classmate in almost all subjects…I even had a fight with him over one exam. He actually asked me to pass my paper to him, but of course I did not give it to him. No way! Over my dead body! We had a fight over that and believe me, he was so sorry for what he did…My grades were not impressive during this year… worst part is, he broke up with me… his reason, he has to concentrate on his studies. Found out later, he was in a relationship. In short, he was unfaithful to me.

10 years ago…

I was 23, a faculty at the department of chemistry, silliman university, dumaguete city. Single and very much available. It was during this year that engineering students would actually tease me with their engineering professors. But nothing was done… my students didn’t do anything at all… I even had an Indonesian student who had the nerve to tell me that he loves me… taas jud kaau ako hair…

was already giving my share of the household expenses. Enjoying my life as a professional and enjoying single blessedness….

5 years ago…

I was 28 years old, single but in a relationship… had been in tacloban for 2 years. Was a practicing chemist at the PEPSICO in leyte plant. Had to resign as pepsi’s plant chemist and joined philippine science high school- eastern visayas campus, leyte to teach. Had to adjust to my new workplace, my co-teachers, staff and most especially my students. I was teaching chemistry 3 to fourth year students and Advanced chemistry to 15 students. Was having a hard time teaching. I was nervous during the first month and the students knew of my nervousness thus I was not able to deliver my lesson well. But as the days passed by, I was already having a hand of almost anything that I taught. I learned to enjoy my classes very much and had a wonderful time with my students…

3 years ago…

I was 30, and still single. Decided to enroll at up diliman for my masteral studies hoping that my boyfriend will find some job and make use of his time fruitfully. I guess I was hoping against hope…

Last year….

Finished all my master’s academic requirements. Was having a hard time deciding if i'll pursue my master’s with thesis option or shift to non-thesis option.

This year…

Doing my thesis… having a bad feeling that I wont be able to finish my thesis this year… frustrated with the facilities and supplies and desperate to come up with a fruitful result but to no avail…will take up some units next semester so that I can pursue non thesis option but will also be doing laboratory work… I wish that GOD would help me with this…

Next year…

Will hopefully be back to teaching at pisay-leyte… as to my MS degree, if and when I decide to take the compre exam then that would be on November. If GOD will make miracles with my thesis then lucky me coz I need not have to worry with compre review. Que sera sera na lang akong beauty ani oi…

10 years from now…

whatever is my marital status, my niece, Julia will already be my legally adopted daughter.

I would probably be teaching in America or maybe have completed my PhD in Chemistry outside the Philippines.

I would love to have children of my own. Be a wife, mother and friend to my husband and children…

I hope that i would be able to help my nephews and nieces with their college education… and a lot more…..

who i wish would take these questions? bisag kinsa lang gud oi =)

nothing in particular

2005-07-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

had lunch with fr. ray and lanee at lola lita's. So sweet of fr. ray to drop by the dorm and treat us (lanee and myself) for lunch.as usual i got words of wisdom from fr. ray re my lovelife. whew~~~

i have done nothing last week. my academic life was so dull... have not been doing lab work coz the solvent i ordered has not arrived yet. library work was useless as well. one thing of importance though, is the seminar conducted by NSRI regarding Chemical Safety and Disposal.

********

I really love activities that will make me sweat. Last week i had fun playing badminton with joy ann's friends. even though i don't know them, it looks like we were already friends in the court. hahaha... i really had a great time... i would love to play badminton at least twice a week to release all the toxins in my body. :)

******

i am way behind my schedule as to my laboratory output. i don't want to blame the solvent because i myself lack the focus to do my thesis. i am not so confident with the procedure i am doing... i really want to have a copy of the article i need. sadly, it's too expensive! I'd rather use the money in buying reagents and chemicals than in buying the article. i've asked my former students if their library has a subscription of the journal that i need. i just hope and pray that it is available so that they can send me a copy. i badly need it! Also, it is a must that i'll be able to defend my proposal before september or even before the semester ends. i need DOST's funding for my thesis. However, the funding will onlybe releasedt once they have the approved thesis proposal . hay, life....

******

i miss julia, my 2 yr old niece. she's been living with my parents since she was too weeks old. though we only see each other during semestral, christmas and summer breaks, i have a very strong attachment to this kid. i bathe her, give her medications, pamper her like she is my own. i actually have plans of adopting her legally if my brother agrees. ;) someday, you'll be able to see her in one of my posts. i miss home... i miss the company of noisy kids... i miss cooking for my parents and my nephews and nieces... i just miss my daily routine when im home. it may be tiring at times, but it's what makes me happy and so fulfilled. how i wish im just home...

la lang...

2005-07-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

Just when im in the mood to finish my laboratory experiments, i can not make it possible. The laboratory ran out of solvent and i need it very badly in order to purify my finished product before it is submitted for IR and MS analysis. Infrared (IR) and Mass spectroscopy are analytical tools which will tell me of the functional groups (IR) and molecular fragments (MS) present in the compound im preparing. In short, it will tell me if the reaction has actually occured. TLC or thin layer chromatography is sufficient to determine if the reaction has actually taken place. With IR and MS, one is able to characterize the compound which is actually more challenging. ;)
(magamitan na gud ako pagkachemist...)

According to the RA of my thesis adviser, the solvent will not be shouldered by our adviser due to financial concerns (re her project). In short, i'll have to buy it myself. Good thing, a technical grade of that solvent is available which cost P185/liter as compared to analytical grade which cost P1850/2.5liter. Analytical grade solvent is of higher purity as compared to technical grade. However, a technical grade can be purified by distillation which is actually more practical as buying analytical grade.

Grabeeeh!!! Chem kaau ang ako gipangdada... I can not believe it... i have nothing to say and i was asked by a friend to update. hehehe

i was tagged

2005-07-11T23:40:00.000-07:00

i was tagged by lanee...

Three names you go by:1. herms 2. maherms 3. matong
Three screen names you have had: 1. pretty daughter 2. jane (as in tarzan and jane) 3. palot!Three physical things you like about yourself:1. eyes 2. ass 3.nose

Three physical things you don't like about yourself: 1. bulging tummy 2. leg scars 3. teeth
Three parts of your heritage: 1. bisaya ra ba ako nahibal an
Three things that scare you: 1. not having children 2. death of papa 3. not being walked down the aisle by papa paks!
Three of your everyday essentials: 1. LOVE 2. food 3. peace of mind
Three of your favorite musical artists:1. Sarah McLachlan 2. Gary Valenciano 3. Gloria Estefan
Three of your favorite songs: 1. Angel 2. Words 3. She’s always a Woman to me
Three things you want in a relationship: 1. Love 2. Respect 3. Trust
Three lies and truths in no particular orderL LIE: told my parents im going to cebu to buy important things instead of telling them im meeting grrr. TRUTH: im still in love with jun! (sorry tag one ra ako na think)
Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you: 1. eyes 2. moreno/ dark skinned 3. nicely cut hair (like tom cruise’s hair in top gun!)
Three of your favorite hobbies: 1. gardening 2.cooking 3.reading
Three things you want to do really badly now: 1. Lab work! 2. have a copy of the article I badly need 3. play with julia
Three careers you're considering/you've considered: 1. Teaching 2. research 3. business or marketing
Three places you want to go on vacation: 1. Guimaras 2. Dakak 3. Baguio
Three kid's names you like: 1.Alex 2. Francesca 3. EDTA (as in ethylene diamine tetra acetic acid J)
Three things you want to do before you die: 1. bungee jump 2. travel around the world 3. play the piano or guitar
Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy: 1. i easily punch or kick 2. strong 3. dominant
Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl: 1. cry easily 2. passionate 3. sweet
Three celeb crushes: 1. Brad Pitt 2. Harrison Ford 3. Keanu Reeves

whew!!!!! napuga jud akong utok!

Now it's your turn! FOUR people that I would like to see take this quiz:

Pie
En-in
Janjan
valynn

first lab work

2005-06-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

after weeks of planning and looking for the appropriate procedure, i finally had my first laboratory activity today. yehey! doing lab work always excites me. i have followed the procedure down to the minutest detail but sadly was not able to finish phase 1 of my synthesis. how on earth is a water bath absent on a chemistry lab. i was so frustrated. my thesis adviser has only 2 water baths and both are used by her other grad advisees. one contained a flask attached to a condenser for cyclization while the other one is filled with oil. I could have used this, but im afraid that i might ruin my desired product. tsk... tsk... tsk... so instead of planning to work overtime, i went straight to the dorm. had a nap, and cooked spaghetti for dinner.

after dinner, i found a casserole which has not been used for a long time. lucky me! i can use this as an improvished water bath! hahaha....

how does one finish her thesis in a year if the facility is inadequate. i just hope that i can finish it before i will be recalled by my sending institution. if worse comes to worst, what will happen to me? will i be forced to pay DOST? I just hope nga dili.

2005-06-02T09:10:00.000-07:00

i already have a topic for my proposal. i thought, thesis will be easier compared to taking acads, but i was wrong. if only i had thought of what topic to focus then i wouldn't be facing this problem. i am not sure if this will work. plus the fact, that another student is also doing similar project, i might not be able to look for a novel application for the compound that i will synthesize. i don't want to waste my time on doing something that will lead nowhere. i have doubts... i don't know how and where to start. the momentum is not there. i know i can't afford to waste time but i just don't feel like working right now. please help...

*******
i miss my parents and Julia. Julia is the 3rd child of my brother who has been with my parents since she was 2 wks old. It's really my parents who raised this kid. She'll be turning 2 this july 4. i just miss her smile,her dance, her kakulitan, her "monda" which is actually moon. Everything that is round is "monda" to her. and everytime she looks up the sky, she would say "monda". i just miss home.....

*******
i mentioned about going to Bohol in one of my blogs. I did go to Bohol but didn't stay long. Actually, i just kissed Bohol. I was in Bohol last May 6 but had to be home the following day due to the sudden death of my niece, Zandee. She had congenital heart disease. Having only one ventricle, her heart was working excessively. She died last May 6 at the age of 10.

2005-04-19T23:40:00.000-07:00

at last i can drive on busy streets on my own. i'm so happy to have done it. my father was with me the whole day of monday and half day of tues. by tues afternoon, i was already driving by myself. though, i have to ask my papa to park the vehicle in the garage and of course take it out from there. i told myself that i'll need a week to learn driving on my own and that includes parking properly. hahaha...

i finally found the book "the promise" by chaim potok. i have been looking for that book at booksale but to no avail. i had had a copy of that book in 2000 but it was borrowed and has not been returned. im just so happy coz its hard bound. thanks to san francisco bookstore. its not in the states but in dumaguete city.

joey didn't see me in cebu. well i guess its too obvious that he's not into me. i should learn from that. enough na talaga. i wouldn't miss my time on men who doesn't deserve my time. instead, i should waste my time on myself, my family and friends.

enough for today. naa man gud ang akong nephew with his wife. mga samokan.

2005-04-14T01:18:00.000-07:00

just killing time. not really into something.

you are BETTE! you've got an established career, a
significant other, and ethnicity that no one
can define. you're also fairly hot!

Which Character from The L Word are You???
brought to you by

2005-04-09T06:45:00.000-07:00

im leaving for tacloban at 6:15 am today. i need to settle a couple of things there. i hope i'll be able to accomplish all of them. i hope that i be wise in whatever decision i may take. Help me GOD...

i was informed by michelle that she received an sms from our classmate in 240 and she was asked to call the IC office regarding our score (most likely final exam). i don't know what it is all about. i just cross my fingers that it's not a bad news. oh no, please not again... hope everything is alright with 240. i leave everything to GOD as i am leaving for Tacloban today.

i will be seeing a long time friend in cebu on tuesday. i don't know what will be the outcome of our meeting "again". hehehe... im just so happy to see him!!! i just wish i have the guts to say what i had been practicing. i don't know for how long will i be staying in cebu. it depends on the outcome of our meeting. hmmm.... but, i won't be staying tere for a week. my parents will kill me.

right after cebu, i'll go straight home to dumaguete. at last, i'll be able to see my family again. i would be cooking dishes for my parents, nephews and nieces. and beach outing is a big possibility! yehey.... i really need to do evrything that is to be done. like renew my driver's license, get SSS ID card for my mom, learn how to drive in busy places and a lot more. i actually have a long list to accomplish this summer. hahaha.... makatunga unta ko. excited na ko mouli! yehey!!!!!!!

2005-04-06T22:46:00.000-07:00

im supposed to blog about my gateway adventure last saturday. but my former students were looking for me. they told me that cristina mate, their classmate was confined at the lung center of the philippines. tina as she is fondly called is 19 years old and the eldest in the family. she have 5 siblings. she is a chemistry student at the upd. the doctor did not tell her classmate aka cozin, of tina's condition except that its severe pneumonia.

i could not hold back my tears when they told me about it. it was so fast. i just saw her at the library last tues and she told me that she's reviewing for her exam later that day.

please help me offer prayers for her fast recovery and that there is a social welfare or community that will shoulder for her hospital bills. her father is expected to arrive in manila by friday. or if there's someone you know that is connected with the social welfare, please let me know. i'm still in manila until fri. thank you so much.

frustrated

2005-03-28T04:47:00.000-08:00

i would love to think that i've prepared more than enough for my exam. but when i've run through the questions, i realized that i've missed a thing or two. i've learned from previous students of biochem that the prof gives questions out of nowhere. i spent sleepless nights reading and studying, preparing for the unexpected but i was surprised. indeed, some of the questions just came from nowhere! i don't know what's on my prof's mind when he gave such questions. is he trying to tell us that he's much better than us? does he need to prove he's capabilites? or maybe, i have not really prepared much? maybe i need to double or triple my efforts to do better in this subject. biochem does not amaze me! even before my undergrad days. coz i hate to memorize!

i wanted to shout the moment i got out of the room. until now, just thinking of the questions, bothers me. i want to cry, but i just can't. maybe, it's not really worth it. i've planned to study for my wed exam but i've got no energy. it was drained during my biochem exam. i hate it... i don't know if i hate myself more or my prof. is it right to put the blame on my prof? am i not looking for an scapegoat for my negligence? have i really studied much? oh no! i hate to think about it. i don't know...i just don't feel fine right now.

i must stop thinking about it. i might ruin my other two exams if i can't let it go. i know this is for my own good. i just leave everything to GOD, for He truly knows what's best for me.

allow me to post the serenity prayer here.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
Courage to change the things i can and
Wisdom to know the difference.

2005-03-25T19:53:00.000-08:00

i spent my holy thursday with my cousins and sis. i thought we will just stay at my cousins house in cavite. but to my surprise, we went to tagaytay highlands. yes, tagaytay highlands! the place was great! i never thought that such beautiful place exists in the Philippines. nafrustrate lang ko... kay wa ko kasakay sa cable cars (one of my dreams) coz the line was so long. huhuhu... but fr. ray was so kind. he told us that we'll go back there and stay overnight so i can fulfill my dream. touched ako sa pari. i'll post pix of my tagaytay trip once aimee has sent it to me...

by the way, fr. ray is one of the priests who will be performing in araneta coliseum for their concert entitled, "six priests in the city". i've watched his concert at the ccp. i just don't know if they'll be having the same repertoire. please do watch fr. ray's concert... proceeds of the concert will be used in... actually i have no idea. but the proceeds of their concert at ccp was used in helping build the parish church of one of the six priests. if my memory serves me right, madam imelda even handed an envelope to the priest. i forgot fr's name. so sorry...:(

i am looking forward to my trips with nang moñette, my cousin. we've talked about it yesterday. allow me to mention it here:

2005

april - Baguio and if possible go straight to sagada :) after finals. yehey!!!

october - siquijor ( a big chance coz i'll be doing lab work for my thesis next school year!)

we plan to go to taal this year but has not been scheduled...
palawan, vigan, davao, corregidor, siargao, guimaras and camiguin were also mentioned. how i wish i could visit these places...

and before i go home to dumaguete for summer vacation, i have three places as side trips.... of course tacloban coz i have to prepare my papers for the extension of my scholarship. next is cebu, i'll meet joey and make up for the lost time. i really miss this guy. i hope that he'll not change his mind on this. kay kung mahinabo, kusion nako iyang ilong! and lastly bohol! mae and her mom are so kind to invite me to their place... gosh, super excited na ako! sad thing, wa akong camera...

2007

hongkong, singapore, thailand - with nang moñette, nang rose(her sister) and manang vix(my sis). i have to save for this trip. i'm sure i'm allowed to leave the country for a vacation kahit d pa ako bayad sa DOST! pag di ako payagan, when pa ako makapunta ng hongkong?

these are just some of the places i want to go. but i think i'll have to start with my country first. we have a number of beautiful places and i plan to visit at least half of the one's mentioned before 2007. oh no, i only have more than a year to do it.

2005-03-23T13:30:00.000-08:00

before i had my haircut.

im trying to post my pix here. thanks to lanee!

i'm not in the mood for studying right now. and i guess this is a better way to use my time wisely. learn html. that's hyper text mark up language. hehehe... wa lay mahimo.

and this is how i look now. hehe...

nothing serious

2005-03-18T19:53:00.000-08:00

friday(march 18,2005)
i have not started reviewing for my nat prod exam coz it was postponed and as usual im putting it on hold. the drive for studying has decelerated. im just too tired to start anything... maybe because i've exhausted all my energy on our research proposal on boichem class. i've scheduled myself for a review yesterday but my head was not cooperating. was it my head or was it me? what a lame excuse? who cares anyway? the good thing was that i enjoyed my friday doing nothing and worrying about nothing.

saturday(march 19,2005)
went out with lanee to RDS Metroeast and we were able to buy stuff for ourselves and some presents for our special someone. hehehe... thanks a lot to RDS for their mall wide sale! and super thanks to HenLin for their mouth watering siomai! hahaha!!!

sunday(march 20, 2005)

i waited for the fight of pacquiao and morales on RPN 9 even though i knew Pacquiao lost. I didn't finish watching the fight because i couldn't bear seeing pacquiao hurt. i know his a good fighter but he just cant get through morales. but he did fight till the end.

went to dagohoy to look for a room for my co-teacher who is reviewing for the bar exam. it was my first time to be in that area. good thing lanee accompanied me. coz if it were just me, i don't think i'll be able to look for one. i've heard stories about residents in that area. i just want to be safe, that's all. hehehe.. d jud, talawan jud ko. hahaha! good thing we were able to find a room for my friend. the place only accepts bar reviewees and i just hope that he'll take it...

i have not really started studying... i keep on attending other things instead of doing more important ones. i just dont know where to start and how to start it. naglagot na ko sa akong kaugalingon! grrrrr!!!!!!!!! i hope that i'll be able to get the momentum that i've yearned for. i really need to pass all my subjects this sem, lest my scholarship will be put on hold and i won't be able to finish my program. huhuhu...please help me pray that i'll be able to start studying the soonest time so i won't regret anything.

2005-03-06T23:28:00.000-08:00

i went to my sister's house right after mass for i don't think i'll have free sundays by then. my plan was to go out with my two nieces (who are in their teens) but my sister tag along. we watched "let the love begin" and as usual, i cried, though i promised bok that i'll not cry when im gonna watch this movie. Bok and I wanted to watch it last friday but unfortunately we didn't make it to the last show. we were not in the mood to watch another movie except this one, so we heed back to the dorm. Back to the movie. Well, it was not bad. I had fun watching the movie, despite the fact na napaiyak ako. hehehe.. kahit naman ano ata iniiyakan ko. kapayason man gud ko... after the movie, we ate pizza then stroll - stroll lang sa mall.

back to reality... was searching about doxorubicin on the net. turned my winamp on and the first song it played, "sa 'yo lamang". search for the lyrics agad coz i wanted to sing along. but i come across a song entitled "A Friend" by Keno. I turned off my speaker so i can sing this song, acapella. and guess what, i had it recorded! hehehe.. I really love this song . We sang this during our acquaintace party back in 1989... huhuhu... i miss my first year college classmates... we used to stay at the "free room" of the chem dept (in Silliman) and listen to "bagol" play with his sax or sing along with him or just do our lesson. i miss college... there were 21 of us during our first year, then 14 the following year. isn't it sad?from 21 to 14, that's 1/3 less of us...fun's still there but with our load, it wasn't as fun while we were on our first year. how we helped bagol, paix, oming, junabeth and some classmates with our lessons so we can still have them on our third year.. but sadly, they have to go. then 8 of us are left on our third year, 5 graduated after a year while the rest graduated the following year... of our batch, 7 out of 8 successfully passed the board exam... one failed but didn't take the exam again.

i had a great time in college. because of the small population of chem in s.u., actually less than 100, we know each other and we had activities and parties! ipr, acquaintance, christmas, and kick-off! we even have a particular language which only chem pips know, d ba bongga! and we still continue to do it! hahaha!!! we can't really get away with the chem spirit! iba to tsong! though, i miss the activities coz i haven't attended the alumni gathering (which usually happens every august, in time for the foundation day!). poor me... i know i'll get in touch with them soon. when i'm through with my MS....

oh gosh!!! need to finish something! ;)

2005-02-23T21:16:00.000-08:00

i almost got late from my seminar class today... i took a nap past two and woke up 10 min before four. i had to walk really fast from sanggumay to ic just to be in time for my class... good thing the seminar started 5 mins past 4... i was saved by my angel;)!

i don't usually take naps coz they give me headaches. i cannot really explain why... but the one i had today was badly needed or else i might doze off in class. i had been depriving myself of the 8 hour sleep since january. i just have too many school stuff to do. i hope it will be over soon...

the seminar talked about determining the best analytical method for the analysis of artificial sweeteners like aspartame and saccharin. Though artificial sweeteners have been banned in the market due to its side effects, it is still widely used. The effect is not only limited to people suffering from phenylketonuria but also to normal individuals whose been using them. Anyway, we were indulged by the speaker to diet coke and biscuits using of course, artificial sweeteners! hahaha.... the food got us there! mga dalo man gud mi!

2005-02-13T16:42:00.000-08:00

the song i sang while taking a bath... the banyo queen in me resurfaces... hehehe.. i do love to sing... and sang this song without a cut.... the accompaniment in my head...feelingera sad ko oi...

Fallen – Sarah Mclachlan

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, fallen...
I have sunk so low I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our back the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning in the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I held so dear. I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, fallen...
I have sunk so low I have messed up
Better I should know So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

I have messed up Better
I should know So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

grrr...

2005-02-11T20:05:00.000-08:00

i miss grrr... and i don't know why... he's not even my friend... or maybe, i just miss the thought that he used to care for me... after two weeks of burning the lines... everything went dead... he was answering my call before i told him "call back your a**"... do i deserve such treatment from someone i don't really know? does he have the right to be hostile to me?

grrrr, if by chance you happen to read this..... do you know what your missing? well, i guess not...

maybe i should forget him... and move on with my life... i should lose hope on waiting...waiting for his calls, his messages... life is short... i should enjoy every moment of it... if waiting makes me happy so be it... for how long will i linger on these thoughts... only time can tell...

grrrr... i miss you! bisag lagot kaau ko nimo! giatay jud kang lakiha ka! feelingero pa jud!

ash wednesday

2005-02-08T22:01:00.000-08:00

today is ash wednesday! the gospel reminds us of 3 things, almsgiving, fasting and prayer. Of these 3 things, the hardest to do is fasting... fasting is not only limited to food, but to all the things our body desires... we should let go of these things so we can allow GOD to enter into our bodies...

there's one story i remember from fr. orbos' book "Moments". It was during ash wednesday and there was this woman who was totally dressed up and made up. when it was her time to be placed with ash on her forehead, she asked fr. orbos to place a small cross on her forehead and if possible, it should be unnoticed. due to his anger, fr. orbos put a big cross on the woman's face enough to be noticed! tsk...tsk...tsk... priests do lose their temper... nag inarte man gud si manang!!! i hope we will not be that woman... let's all pause, reflect and prepare ourselves as we journey to the season of lent...

just updating

2005-02-06T06:38:00.000-08:00

i had never experienced ejoying my sundays this year till now. its really nice to just lie down and do nothing except eat, eat and eat... and think of what you can do... i just love this day!

our efforts during the open house preparations was well compensated, coz we just won the BEST WING award! thanks to mama xena! and to diane too! both ladies are no longer staying with us in the dorm but they were so helpful, giving their best as if they're still with us... WING D rules!!! hehehe...

one thing i cannot accept is losing a game by default! it's this type of losing when you've got no chance to prove your worth! though we've won by default, but winning or losing should be accompanied by effort. we had a good chance of winning over Kamia (2/2) coz they aren't as good as sampa. if we only have more than enough players.... i would love to accept losing after giving my best shot, i mean sweating for the game.. hehehe.... i love volleybal game! next game's on wednesday (2/9). see you at the games gals!!!

i had my hair cut last jan 27. it really short! and i love it! i feel so lightand so... chick... ehem.... i met jason last friday after my class. then, he asked me, if i'm one of the guys. i told him, you'll be one of my guys. hahaha... we had a hearty laugh after that! i feel so beautiful... i hope diane and pie will post my new look... asus gyud...

i can't wait to hear next sunday's mass. aside from the fact that the celebrant is one of my favorites, its gonna be a pre-valentine mass not only for couples, but yes, for FRIENDS! i was already thinking of what to give to my friends as a surprise present, but Bok told me and Lanee that were going to give each other a token. thanks Bok for ruining my surprise plan.... hahaha... as if you'll never know... hehehe... excited na ko sa red sunday!

bothered or busy???

2005-01-29T04:32:00.000-08:00

i am mentally drained!!!!!!!!! having presented two seminars in a month is so damn tiring!!! i have been awake most nights since i got back. my face is no longer pimple- free and is so dry... maybe, stress related... but it was all a blessing to me... i never imagined that i can do it! had i not tried pushing myself as to how far i can go... i guess i've never used my potentials fully. i am so afraid to try and maybe fail... but it was all worth it.

life is full of surprises... or is it? i've been asking myself so many questions like:
1. does respect has its limits?
2. if you get your strength and energy from your family, to whom will you get it once your family stumbles?
3. will i lose my trust to someone very close who has done something wrong?
4. can i force someone to tell me everything even if it would hurt me or my family?
5. will i be judged by my friends/company?

i may sound so serious, but these questions have been bothering me? and i am hoping that someday, i'll find the answers to these questions...

have i been blind???

2004-12-01T21:21:00.000-08:00

its been a while since i haven't blogged. i have always wanted to blog about my relationship with jun but i didn't have any courage, until now.

i met jun through a blind date 3 or 4 years ago. after a month we were together. then marriage was not one of his plans for me unless he's stable, maybe financially and emotionally. the relationship lasted for more than 3 years.he was out of job during our first month. i even offered a job for him at PEPSI(my previous workplace) for a friend of mine is gonna help him get the job. jun's status would be contractual. he told me that he'll take the job because of me. then i asked him to decide for the job without me in the picture. he still said NO. (i wanted to slap him that very moment!). he's still jobless!!! my friends have been telling me to to look for someone else coz they don't think that jun can stand on his feet. but i still hanged on hoping he'll change. hoping for him to get a job. a job which he can be proud of... then i got tired... tired of waiting and hoping....

setting him free is the only option. i know life would be different without him. but its a lot better than being with him without a future.......

a wonderful day

2004-10-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

October 6 seems to be my lucky day... i started the day with a mass, asking for God's guidance for my final exam in chem 237 and it seems that i fare well in the exam. Why did i say that? well, my prof looked at my elucidated structure and she told me that the connectivities of the atoms were CORRECT. I couldn't believe what i heard!!! nevertheless, i thanked GOD for being with me during the exam. indeed GOD is GOOD!

While i was at the TV room, my classmates in chem 237 visited the dorm. I did not expect that we talked for almost an hour. That's was something one would cherish, especially when you only nod and smile at each other when you meet in the corridors of inst. of chem. and ruby was willing to lend her notes in quantum chem, which might be of help for us in solving problems in thermo chem. Isn't she a darling?

Then we went to engg dept for our study group in thermo chem. and we laugh while doing some problems cause we were talking about the experiences we had in our class. and we had to include things that were really bad. in short "nanglibak jud mi".... the good part was that i was able to solve 2 problems out of six... i still have a long way to go to solve for the other 3 coz celine has solve 1. I'm sure that will be able to finish it before its due.

I wanted to sleep, really! but i can't sleep. so instead i blog hoping it would help me relax. but i was wrong... actually, im having a headache right now... but since i've started this, then i have to finish... hahaha. actually wa nay koy ikasulat...

One thing is for sure. Despite all the hardships we are facing right now, there will always be wonderful people around. and they usually come out in the most unexpected places...

treats

2004-10-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

i finally bought the sandal i've been dreaming of! and i used my 5 peso coin savings to bought it. i had to put on a childlike face while i paid my sandal... good thing, the manager was amazed with what i did... can u imagine that? the ladies on the counter where really counting my 5-peso savings... good thing, my dearest roommate, lanee(the girl) was with me. i don't think i'll have the courage to do it alone...

then we went to watch a movie, "raising helen".... that was suppose to be a treat for myself... but i just cried. for no reason at all! i can't help my tears, they just come out... huhuhu.... when i woke up the following day, i wasted my morning doing nothing, cause my eyes didn't allow me to read.the same thing happened around 2 pm while i was reading "greta's" article on the paper, i cried again. i really hate myself for i cry so easily... one thing is for sure though, those tears weren't for greta but of course for the helpless dominique... and for that, i ruined my study schedule.... just like now.. i can't concentrate with what i'm reading that i decided to blog... can you continue reading, when what your reading is so alien to you? how i wish it were prof. llaguno talking, i could have grasp it. poor me... i have to decipher the chapters myself, or else, i will fail and i can't allow that to happen to me... no way... i can't afford to say adieu to u.p., not unless i've graduated.

of net...school and pasta.

2004-09-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

the advent of the internet didnt amaze me at all like everyone else. i usually use it to surf and check my mail which is not often. and i rarely chat because i dont want to lie. but times changed. with your own internet connection, i have been checking my mail almost everyday and logging on to mirc.

my first chat friend actually not mine but ours (jan and lanee) which they eventually gave to me, was some kind of a guy. and i lied to him... well, my conscience didn't help me.. so i e-mailed him the next day correcting my lies... and i hate myself coz i've been spending time on the net waiting for him to appear rather than studying... help!!! what should i do?

i had a wonderful class yesterday... my prof made us laugh despite the difficulty of the subject. it started with pressure... a classmate told our prof that we were pressured. then she answered, " i didn't teach pressure!". true enough, coz our class is spectroscopic techniques in organic chem. we just laughed and laughed till the end of the class...by the way, that's the first time we had it.

i had been craving for pasta since monday. we had dinner at the dorm (last night) and while we were still on the dining table, i told my friends that i want pasta. right there and then, we went out to have pasta. gluttons... yes... because of our very full stomach we decided to walk from a venetto to philcoa which is quite a distance. hehe... its really nice to have friends who not only care for you but understand you as well. thanks to you guys... i really enjoyed our pasta much more your company

creating my blog

2004-08-28T22:42:00.000-07:00

i have never expected that creating a blog would entail a lot of brainwork.
i have to think... think... and think for my blog title and my url and i had to change my user name because what i have thought of has been used. only did i realize that my neices' and nephew's name are common. gosh...

thank GOD my dear roommate's with me while im creating it. She made a sarcastic laugh on my first blog title which did not surprise me! haha... many would have laugh at it too.

I am enjoying while creating my first blog because i didnt realize that i can do this stuff.
I really am not good at this. But im willing to improve.